


When Marble turns to Metal

by blessedharlot



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Brainwashing, Bucky Barnes Feels, Canon Compliant, F/M, Ficlet, Flashbacks, Hydra (Marvel), Implied Sexual Content, Memory Alteration, Natasha Feels, Protective Bucky Barnes, Red Room, Young Natasha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-26
Updated: 2016-06-26
Packaged: 2018-07-18 10:12:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7310803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blessedharlot/pseuds/blessedharlot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Red Room captivity was intended to be inescapable - so what happened to change the course of Natasha's life forever?</p>
            </blockquote>





	When Marble turns to Metal

She said out loud, “I don’t know about all of this.” 

The questions she was daring to ask herself were dropping into her stomach like heavy coins. His warmth next to her seemed to make everything simpler and more complicated all at once.

“I owe them,” she said simply.

“Why?”

“I… they…” She had already uncovered their lies. She wasn’t their dancer. She had no family she was making proud. Whatever she came from, they…

“They did save my life. Whatever else they’ve done. I wouldn’t have survived. On my own.”

He stroked her hair as she searched herself.

“I don’t remember a family. I remember being a child, but never a family, not a real one. I don’t think I had one.”

“You think your memories of your family are lies?”

“Yes.”

She shifted further under the covers, and reached across him to rest her hand on his arm. The metal seemed as alive as the rest of him, keeping warm even with the chill creeping in from the window. There was something that always comforted her in his strange arm… a concrete reminder of what made them both who they were. The good and the bad.

“They’d kill us both if they knew I was here. Kill us or worse,” he said as he wrapped both arms around her. If her arm were metal, she doubted she could control the pressure of its movements as delicately as he did. It seemed he could do anything with it, with ease. She had seen him destroy concrete and steel. And his embrace was fierce, yet still kind. She’d never feared it. And just the thought of his fingers glinting between her thighs made her tremble with remembered joy.

“Yes.” She came back to this brutal truth over and over. Whatever else they had given her, they had stolen terribly intimate things from her too. And they would continue to do so. If she let them.

“I think… sometimes I think maybe they’ve taken enough from me.”

He kissed her on the forehead, and she dared to drift off to sleep in his arms.

 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-

 

“Hail Hydra!” The informant whispered enthusiastically at her.

She swallowed. “Hail Hydra.” Years of their influence on her life, and that phrase still didn't trip off her tongue. 

She struggled to keep an even pace as she left the stranger in the lobby of the monstrous hotel, though she had no idea why she was so restless. This whole job, this mission had been… easy. Maybe that was why she was uneasy. It shouldn’t be this simple to torpedo a major KGB operation. But with the far reach that her bosses had, Hydra was apparently managing it. With her help.

She walked down an almost deserted snowy street, expecting that her handler would eventually pass nearby, cuing her silently as to the location of the safe house. The handler would go retrieve Hydra intel for their next step, before meeting her there. She would have to take an indirect route to the location. But if she and her love were quick enough, there might be time for a few private moments there alone before others joined them.

She was shocked out of her pleasant anticipation when a familiar arm grabbed her and swiftly secreted her into a small, dark space between two buildings.

His kiss took her breath away. All their desires, all their touches, all their unspoken hopes and desperate grief seemed to live in that one kiss. 

Something was wrong. Very wrong. He’d never risked something like this before. When he pulled away his eyes were wild. She’d never seen him so afraid.

“Listen to me, Natalia. You must go, as far as you can. Use everything you know to get away. Now. Immediately. This is your chance.”

“What??”

“They’re waiting for us at the train and at the airport. Just walk. Find a hole in the southern border and go.”

“What, stop.”

“No, no talking. Leave now.” His left hand cinched her wrist like a handcuff and dragged her down through an alley toward a busier street. Her mind reeled to get a grip on what was going on. What had he done? How can she...

“I’m not going without you!” she insisted. “I’m not leaving you with them.”

“We’ll never make it,” he growled. “You have a chance without me. Just…”

He stopped in the last pool of darkness before the crowded thoroughfare lights would catch them. He took her face in his hands and searched her eyes.

“Listen to me. This is the most important part. Do not ever trust me again. Ever. Don’t try to find me. Don’t try to rescue me. If you ever see me, don’t try to talk to me. Run. If I’ve been sent after you… then kill me. You can do it. You’re one of the few who can.”

“Soldat…” She was so confused.

“I never ever want to hurt you, Natalia. Know that, just know that’s true.” He stopped, looking lost. Then he kissed her on the forehead. “You have to go. Don’t look back, don’t hesitate. Don't trust me. Don’t let them take anything else from you.”

Something big and awful clanked inside her, and she felt herself settle into his decision. It felt like she was cutting off a limb in order to reach breathable air. She glanced toward the crowd, and when she looked back he had disappeared. Her wrist went cool in the icy wind.

She took a deep breath, and slowly made her way toward the well-lit bustle of a crowd enjoying their night. She began to plan her route southbound, as he had suggested. She could actually imagine an escape route. 

Escaping. That’s what she was doing. This was it. She was suddenly hollow enough inside to worry that passersby might bump up against her and ring her like a bell, giving away her location.

But she reached the crowd and felt herself slip into it. She started scanning for opportunities to change her appearance. It was cold enough that everyone was clutching their coats and scarves tightly. She saw one hat sitting loosely on a drunkenly swerving head, and deftly swapped hers for theirs without being seen. It was a start.

She could sort out the beginning of her route, but what should her destination be? What did she even need next? Food? Shelter? What decisions came next? Suddenly all her daydreaming was real. Should she get an ordinary job? She wondered briefly if her recently completed audition might get her a shot at working for the KGB. 

How long would it take for Hydra to realize she was gone? How much time had… had he bought her? And what price will he pay for it?

Why had he done this? She struggled to understand. What had she ever given to him that would warrant this sacrifice? 

She owed him. A debt she doubted she could ever repay. Even if he lived through this, she expected she’d never see him again.

No time for that now. She needed to keep her senses sharp. She headed south.


End file.
